Meet Seth Adam Smith and his wife, Kim. After a year and a half of marriage, Seth had an eye-opening revelation—marriage isn’t about him.
It’s something far greater than just his own happiness. Here’s his story, taken from his blog, and it’s definitely worth reading.
Marriage Isn’t About You
Having been married for only 18 months, I’ve come to a surprising conclusion—marriage isn’t about me.
Now, before you jump to conclusions, hear me out.
Kim and I met in high school when we were just 15. We were close friends for a decade before realizing we wanted to be more than that. I wholeheartedly recommend falling in love with your best friend—it’s an incredible journey.
However, despite our deep bond, I couldn’t shake the fears and anxieties about getting married. As the big day approached, my mind raced with questions: Was I ready? Was this the right decision? Would Kim truly make me happy?
One night, I opened up to my father about my concerns.
There are moments in life when time seems to slow, and everything feels still. This was one of those moments for me. My father’s response changed everything.
With a wise smile, he said, “Seth, you’re thinking selfishly. Let me make this simple: marriage isn’t about you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy—you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, marriage isn’t just about you and your spouse; it’s about your future family. Who do you want by your side raising your children? Who do you want shaping their lives? Marriage isn’t about you. It’s about the person you’re committing to.”
At that moment, I realized something profound. Kim was the person I wanted to make happy. I wanted to see her smile every day, to bring laughter into her life. I wanted to be part of her family, just as I wanted her to be part of mine. Looking back on all the times she played with my nieces and nephews, I knew she was the one I wanted to build a life with.
My father’s advice was both startling and enlightening. It clashed with today’s mindset of instant gratification, where if something doesn’t serve your happiness, you simply replace it.
But real love—and real marriage—is never about what you get. It’s about what you give. Love isn’t selfish. It asks, “What can I do for the person I love?”
Not long ago, my wife gave me a lesson in selfless love. I had been holding onto fear and resentment for months, and it created tension between us. Eventually, it all erupted. I was cold and selfish. But instead of responding with anger, Kim did something incredible—she embraced me with love. She set aside the hurt I had caused her and comforted me.
That was when I realized I had forgotten my father’s wisdom. While Kim had been giving love freely, I had been consumed by my own wants. This painful truth moved me to tears, and I promised to be better.
To anyone reading this—whether married, engaged, single, or completely against marriage—know this: marriage isn’t about you. In fact, no real relationship built on love is about you. True love is about putting someone else first.
And the most beautiful part? The more you give love, the more you receive in return—not just from your partner, but from family, friends, and even people you never expected.
So yes, love and marriage aren’t about you. They’re about the ones you love.
Do you agree with Seth’s perspective? Let us know and share this message with others!
